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Many of you who are reading this know my daughter Becky. Hopefully, more and more of you who don’t yet know me or Becky are joining us on this blog to learn about each other, and to move forward together in the path of light and transformation.

You can learn a lot about my relationship with Becky in my book, especially in the chapter “Becky and Me”. I provide below the Acknowledgment I wrote in the book covering how I feel about Becky. In addition, I offer you below some questions and practices related to parent-child relations.

We know that our relationships with our children evolve over the years. Thanks to my and Becky’s  transformation, always by the Grace of Sai Maa, our relationship as father and daughter – as two human beings growing together over the years – has transformed profoundly so that we can feel and express our deep love for one another much more freely and joyfully.

I’m going to write a few words now about how I feel about Becky. As I’ve asked before, I’d love for you to share your comments on the blog about what resonates for you, what my words bring up in you. Know that your words serve all of us reading these messages. What are some of your answers to the questions below? What are you “practicing” with your children (or your parents) that works, some success stories that might benefit others?

I won’t give away Becky’s age. Just know that with each passing year, I am in awe of how Becky expresses herself, with her words, body language and energy. Many who have witnessed her as emcee at Maa’s events (just recently in Denver, in Belgium before this), or who have interacted with her during gatherings, all say (as I do) how radiant Becky is, how she is an inspiration to so many people, how she is passionate, direct, down-to-earth, authentic, dynamic, engaged, loving, filled with joy, a bright light …

Becky teaches me all the time by who she is, how she presents her, how she masters her fears, shares herself so freely, knows and easily speaks Maa’s teachings, and makes them so accessible and easier for others to apply in their lives by sharing her own experiences, even when they are painful.

When I want to express something that’s difficult about my life or state of being, Becky is the first person who comes to mind (and heart) for me to contact to share what’s not working, as well as what is working. Becky does the same with me. We value each other’s opinions and advice. We love loving each other.

This all sounds wonderful, and it is. Yet know that many years of inner work and transformation have led us to this relationship, and more years are to come as we continue to build our relationship and realize and express our love even more. We call this conscious evolution, Doing The Work, practicing the teachings … and all of this is accelerated (“Accelerated Teachings for Accelerated Times”).

Happy Birthday Becky! Yes, today is a celebration of your birth day, as we all re-birth ourselves in how we think, feel, speak, act in each moment. You and I are “all ways” together in our love for one another, in our love for Maa, in our love for becoming more aware and living Life to the fullest!

Gros bisous a MA fille adorable,

Daggy

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

“I devote this book and myself to Maa. At the same time, I can’t continue the book without acknowledging my daughter Becky, what I put her through when she was growing up, how we’ve grown together, and how we continue to create our relationship and learn from each other. I devote a chapter to our relationship and lessons parents can apply with their children. I asked Becky to contribute to that chapter, and fortunately for all of us, she agreed.

Becky inspires me. She’s vibrant, passionate, creative, engaged, and ready for everything. Maa has expressed her favorite mantra as, “Yes, I’m ready!” and Becky lives this. She’s demonstrated so many times how open she is to looking at herself. She speaks honestly about our relationship and others, what’s working or not. She’s not just talking; she’s acting and transforming.

Becky’s a movement. She graduated from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts in New York City and lived with me for a while in Sausalito. She moved to Mill Valley, then on to Oakland, and then back to Brooklyn. She’s bicoastal now, living and working in Los Angeles and New York. She’s moved up from a production assistant to coordinator to manager on commercials and films.

Becky doesn’t just work professionally at something she loves. She’s an African dancer! Right now, as I write this, she’s in Guinea, dancing again with an African ballet troupe. I’ve watched her dance many times in different cities around the world, including New York, Los Angeles, Paris, and Wellington, New Zealand. She makes time for dance and yoga classes wherever she travels. She practices what she loves.

I’m grateful for how much I’ve learned through Becky about myself, my relationships, and my life over the past thirty years. I’m grateful for Becky’s life force, dynamism, sense of humor, and laughter. I’m grateful Becky loves movies and popcorn as much as I do. Even though she blames me and genetics for some crooked toes and mild skin rashes from the sun, I love how Becky loves me. I love how much she loves meeting people and getting to know them. I love that she loves life two hundred percent.

I know what Becky means to me and how our love and relationship will grow and redefine itself through our own personal transformations. I know that I couldn’t be who I am now without her and that this truth will apply for the rest of my life.

Merci, ma fille. Je t’aime à jamais.”

January 2011

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

  • Ask yourself about the quality of your communication with your child: “Do I listen to my child? What goes through my head when my child speaks? How would I rate the quality of my communication, meaning the frequency, content, sharing, and listening? Are there long periods of time when I don’t communicate? Am I the one to initiate, or is it my child? Do I truly listen without advising, lecturing, or trying to solve the problem? If our communication doesn’t go as expected, do I give up and stop communicating?”
  • Boy, did I love to be moody. It was my favorite pastime. Take a look at your own moods when you’re with your child (aside from other times): “Do I let it go on for a long period of time when I get into a mood, when I fight or argue, or when I don’t speak? Do I close up, withdraw, and remove myself from the situation? Or do I act quickly and transform what’s happened, shifting my mood, feelings, and behaviors right away?”
  • Ask yourself about your deep down appreciation of your child and how you express it: “How often do I tell my child I appreciate her, how grateful I am for my child’s presence in my life? Do I point out qualities I love about my child, how my child distinguishes herself in life? Do I recognize my child for her accomplishments, abilities, and progress?”

PRACTICES FOR TRANSFORMATION

  • Show more of yourself. Think about aspects of yourself you haven’t expressed with your child, especially the more playful, freer, lighter parts of who you are. Choose one aspect and decide what you can do right now to express it. Set up the right time, right place, and best conditions for expressing it. Express, experiment, explore. Ask your child what she would like to see you express that you haven’t shown before. Play with this. Have fun and be loose.
  • Communicate. Reflect about whether you speak with your child enough. See whether you need to find more time to get together. This isn’t to be a formal meeting; it should be a setting your child can enjoy. Aside from taking the step of scheduling time and creating new opportunities to communicate, determine how you’ll speak and listen differently from how you have in the past. Remember about authentic expression and listening. Practice when you’re together. Be open and honest. Ask questions and listen from where your child is coming from rather than from your own position.
  • Find ways to express your love and gratitude. Feel what you love about your child. Think about how your child expresses herself or himself in unique ways, the special gifts or qualities your child possesses. Be spontaneous and find ways to honor your child in how you speak and what you say about him when the gift or quality is expressed. When you go to rest the body at night or get up in the morning, take a moment to be grateful that your child is in your life. Visualize your child, your relationship, your time together, and his impact on your life.
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